Insecurity leads to stress. Stress leads to reactions you regret.

The 4 O's of Insecurity

Powerlessness/Incompetence

Feeling out of control or unable to take action can cause a deep sense of insecurity. This can manifest itself in situations where you feel overwhelmed by tasks at work or when faced with problems beyond your abilities.

Denial

This may involve the denial of your own abilities by yourself or the denial of your status or expertise by others. Not having your skills recognized or appreciated can lead to feelings of insecurity and insecurity. For example, when your work or contribution to a project is ignored or minimized.

Unknown

Unfamiliarity with people, places, tasks, or expectations can make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe. This often manifests itself when you take on new challenges without clear guidelines, which can lead to anxiety and hesitation.

Unpredictability/Uncertainty

When you cannot anticipate what is going to happen, or when the information you have is incomplete or ambiguous, it can lead to stress and anxiety. This is the case, for example, in relationships where the other person's intentions or feelings are unclear. Better to have a clear enemy than an ambivalent friend.

Insecurity leads to stress reactions.

When you feel unsafe, your body has four biologically built-in defense mechanisms to protect yourself. However, the problem arises when these defense mechanisms are deployed at an inappropriate time or intensity, often making the remedy worse than the disease.

Worse, you may react to a nonexistent threat because a person or situation reminds you of an unsafe situation from childhood or a previously experienced unsafe situation. The following is an overview of your biological stress reactions and everyday manifestations of these reactions.

The 4 Rs of Stress Reactions to Insecurity.

Fighting

This reaction drives you to confront the (assumed) source of your insecurity. Everyday manifestations of this include engaging in heated discussions, being overly critical, or having the need to always "win" in competitive situations. It can also lead to attempts to control situations or relationships in order to minimize insecurities. Workaholism, or "workaholism," is also part of this reaction.

Flights

This may manifest itself in actively avoiding difficult conversations or social events, postponing important tasks, or isolating yourself from friends or family. Denial of your problems or minimizing their severity are also forms of escape behavior.

Stiffen

In the face of (overwhelming) insecurity, you may "freeze," unable to make a decision or take action. This can manifest itself in falling completely silent during conflict, not being able to decide for fear of making the wrong choice, or not standing up for your own needs in relationships or at work. Excessive brooding is also part of this reaction.

Flattery

Excessively trying your best to please others or gain approval is a form of flattery. This can range from always saying yes, even at the expense of your own needs, to using compliments as a way to avoid conflict or to get something done.

Are your stress reactions mostly constructive or destructive?

Each of these reactions can be either constructive or destructive, depending on how and in what intensity you deploy them. 

Awareness of these reactions can help you find healthier ways to deal with stress and insecurity. 

By recognizing when you feel unsafe and understanding how you tend to (automatically) react, you can make more conscious choices about how to deal with these feelings and what your (conscious) response will be.

All four of your stress reactions are perfectly normal

It is important to recognize that these reactions are natural, human responses to insecurity. For they serve as our psychological and emotional defense mechanisms. 

However, through self-reflection and awareness, you can learn to dose your reactions and develop more effective coping strategies. This can lead to healthier relationships, better communication, and a greater sense of control over your own well-being.

In practice, this means developing skills such as emotional intelligence, assertiveness toward your desires, and setting boundaries.

It also means learning to recognize triggers that activate your stress reactions and finding constructive ways to recognize these triggers and get ahead of your unconscious stress reaction. 

Through this awareness, you can build a solid foundation for a more relaxed and happy life, both personally and professionally.

A happier life always begins with awareness

The 4 O's of insecurity and the 4 V's of defense response provide a framework for understanding your experiences of and your personal stress reactions to insecurity. 

By understanding and addressing your triggers and your unconscious stress reactions, you can work on building even more resilience and improving positive and constructive interactions with the world around you.