The Power Triangle: Free yourself from the destructive dance of guilt and innocence, power and powerlessness

1. Omnipotence: The savior role

Omnipotence revolves around the desire for total control. People in omnipotence see themselves as the saviors responsible for the success of others or a situation. They justify their control by believing that their intervention is necessary and see their actions as indispensable. Thinking dominates in this position, with people constantly reasoning why their control is necessary. Feeling is suppressed, as emotions are seen as weakness. Doing is focused on controlling the situation and leading others.

How omnipotence sees itself:

People in omnipotence see themselves as the savior of situations. They believe that without their control, everything would go wrong. They feel innocent because they believe their actions are always for the good of others.

How omnipotence considers the other positions:

• Powerlessness: People in omnipotence view powerlessness as weak, passive and helpless. They condemn those in powerlessness for not taking responsibility and depending on others to be saved. They see them as unable to act independently and feel they must intervene.
• Power struggle: People in omnipotence perceive power struggles as destabilizing and dangerous. They see those in power struggles as chaotic, threatening and trying to undermine their control. Omnipotence condemns power struggles as irrational and seeks ways to neutralize the struggle and restore order.

Examples of attitude, thoughts and behavior in omnipotence:

Attitude:

1. "I know what's best for you."
2. "Without my leadership, everything goes wrong."
3. "Showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness."
4. "I am responsible for the success of this project."
5. "Others don't understand the situation the way I do."
6. "I have to take charge to avoid chaos."
7. "I have to protect others from their own mistakes."
8. "It's my job to make sure everything runs smoothly."

Thoughts:

1. "If I don't take charge, everything goes wrong."
2. "I am the only one who understands the situation."
3. "My way is the only right way."
4. "When others follow my instructions, everything goes well."
5. "I can't make mistakes."
6. "Without my input, everything spirals out of control."
7. "I have to control everything to ensure success."
8. "Others don't have the insight I have."

Behavior:

1. Others control to control the outcome.
2. Pride and stubbornness. Making decisions without consultation.
3. Taking problems from others without involving them.
4. Giving unsolicited advice and expecting it to be followed.
5. Ignoring or minimizing others' emotions.
6. Not sharing responsibilities to maintain control. Martyrdom.
7. Innocence. Hiding mistakes and blaming others when something goes wrong.
8. Correcting others when they do not meet expectations.

How omnipotence preserves innocence:

In omnipotence, you maintain your innocence by believing that your control is necessary and that you are acting in the interest of others. When things go wrong, you place responsibility on others, such as by saying they did not follow your instructions properly.

Thinking, feeling and doing in omnipotence:

• Thinking dominates: you rationalize why your control is essential and why you must be in charge.
• Feeling is suppressed: emotions such as doubt and fear are ignored because they could undermine your control.
• Doing focuses on action to control the situation. You make decisions for others without their input.

How to Break Through Omnipotence: empathetic instead of meddling

To break through omnipotence, you must first surrender yourself to your pain, isolation and loneliness. In addition, you must learn to share responsibility and show vulnerability. This involves accepting that you cannot control everything and giving others space to make their own decisions. By letting go of this control, you can build healthier, equal relationships.

2. Powerlessness: The victim role

In the position of powerlessness, people see themselves as victims of circumstances beyond their control. They blame others or external factors for their problems and remain passive, believing they cannot change anything. Feeling dominates in powerlessness, with emotions such as fear, helplessness and guilt paralyzing them. Thinking is limited by these emotions, and doing is minimal because they are convinced that any action is futile.

How impotence sees itself:

People in powerlessness see themselves as powerless and view their situation as beyond their control. They feel innocent because they believe there is nothing they can do to change their situation. They expect others to solve their problems for them.

How impotence considers the other positions:

• Omnipotence: People in omnipotence view omnipotence as dominant and controlling. They feel small and dependent, and feel that people in omnipotence do not take them seriously. They see omnipotence as meddling and patronizing and condemn these people for not giving them space to make their own choices. People in powerlessness feel dominated, oppressed and denied by omnipotence.
• Power struggles: People in powerlessness experience power struggles as intimidating and threatening. They see those in power struggle as aggressive and avoid conflict, which further reinforces their passivity. They remain passive in the hope that others will resolve the conflict for them.

Examples of attitude, thoughts and behavior in powerlessness:

Attitude:

1. "I can't do it, it's too hard."
2. "Everything is against me."
3. "No one listens to me."
4. "I have no control over my life."
5. "I am a victim of my circumstances."
6. "There's no point in trying anything."
7. "Others should solve it for me."
8. "I am too weak to change anything."

Thoughts:

1. "No matter what I do, it makes no difference."
2. "This is all the fault of others."
3. "I can never do anything right."
4. "I have no control over my situation."
5. "Why should I bother? I fail anyway."
6. "No one understands what I'm going through."
7. "It's their fault I'm in this situation."
8. "I have no power over what happens."

Behavior:

1. Complaining without taking action.
2. Display passive-aggressive behavior.
3. Evading responsibility by remaining inactive.
4. Depending on others to solve problems. Merging with others.
5. Not showing initiative to bring about change.
6. Avoiding confrontation. Suffering better than conflict.
7. Delaying decisions for fear of failure.
8. Showing self-pity in response to difficulties.

How impotence retains innocence:

In powerlessness, you maintain your innocence by blaming others or external factors. You remain passive, believing you have no control over your situation, and you wait for others to solve your problems for you.

Thinking, feeling and doing in powerlessness:

• Thinking is overshadowed by feelings of helplessness and fear, making rational thought difficult.
• Feeling dominates: fear, helplessness and guilt paralyze you.
• Doing is minimal: you take no action because you are convinced that there is no point anyway.

How to Break Through Powerlessness: from helpless to authentic

To emerge from powerlessness, you must learn to take responsibility for your own choices, actions and put your own desires first. By actively taking steps to improve your situation and achieve your desires, you free yourself from victimhood and rediscover your own power.

3. Power struggle: The accuser role

The position of power struggle is all about competition, dominance and winning conflicts. People in this role see every interaction as a fight for power and try to maintain their innocence by placing all the blame on the other person. They feel justified in acting aggressively or assertively because they are convinced they must fight to win. Doing dominates in this position: actions are impulsive and often aggressive, and the goal is to defeat the opponent. Thinking plays a supporting role by devising strategies to outdo the other, while feeling is largely suppressed because emotions such as empathy or doubt are seen as weaknesses.

How power struggles see themselves:

People in power struggles see themselves as fighters who must fight to survive or maintain their position. They feel innocent because they believe their aggression is necessary to protect themselves and their loved ones or to win. The goal is to prove themselves right, and they see any compromise as weakness.

How power struggles consider the other positions:

• Omnipotence: People in power struggle view omnipotence as controlling, arrogant and patronizing. They see people in omnipotence as trying to suppress their freedom by telling them what to do. Power struggles see omnipotence as an enemy that must be challenged and defeated because it is trying to gain control over them. They see omnipotence people as trying to dominate or oppress them. As someone who denies their autonomy.
• Powerlessness: People in power struggle regard powerlessness as weak and worthless. They despise people in powerlessness because they do not fight and allow themselves to be oppressed in their eyes. Power struggles see powerlessness as cowardly and as the opposite of their own combative attitude.

Examples of attitude, thoughts and behavior in power struggles:

Attitude:

1. "I have to win, otherwise I will lose everything."
2. "It's me against the other. My will is stronger than yours."
3. "The other person is trying to undermine me."
4. "If I don't fight, I will be defeated."
5. "The other is the enemy. I am worth more than the other."
6. "Losing is not an option. Better to go down fighting than to give up."
7. "I have to protect my position."
8. "The other will never beat me."

Thoughts:

1. "I have to win, otherwise I will lose everything."
2. "The other person is trying to bring me down."
3. "If I give in, I am weak."
4. "I have to fight to prove myself right."
5. "It's a life-and-death battle."
6. "The other person wants to take my position."
7. "I can't afford to lose."
8. "I have to stay strong and not show weakness."

Behavior:

1. Seeking confrontations to gain the upper hand. Demanding.
2. Reacting aggressively to criticism or opposition. Fighting behavior. Twisting behavior.
3. Making quick, impulsive decisions to beat the other person.
4. Putting pressure on the other to strengthen their own position. Battle of wills.
5. Arguments or conflicts escalate to gain the upper hand.
6. Looks for a scapegoat. Blames and blames the other for problems.
7. Not giving room for compromise because it is seen as weakness. Overbearing behavior.
8. Making provocative remarks to destabilize the other person.

How power struggles preserve innocence:

In power struggles, you maintain your innocence by believing that the other person is the enemy and that your aggression is justified. You think you are acting only to protect yourself or your loved ones or to prove yourself right, thereby absolving yourself of guilt. The goal is to defeat the other person to prove that you are innocent and in your right.

Thinking, feeling and doing in power struggle:

• Thinking: In power struggles, thinking is used primarily to devise strategies to defeat the other person. You devise ways to outwit your opponent, but rational deliberation or empathy hardly ever occurs.
• Feeling: Emotions such as empathy or doubt are suppressed because they are seen as a risk. Showing vulnerability is seen as weakness that can be exploited by the opponent.
• Doing: Action dominates in power struggles. You act impulsively and aggressively, focusing on winning the conflict. You give little room for compromise and escalate confrontations to win. Do or die.

How to Break Power Struggle: from accusatory to assertive

To get out of power struggles, you have to admit that you are at a loss, that you are stuck, and learn to show empathy and vulnerability. This involves recognizing that winning is not always the solution, and that cooperation and understanding often lead to better results than confrontation. You must allow yourself to let go of the struggle and make room for constructive solutions that benefit both parties. From not daring to give up to surrendering to the process and the universe.

Conclusion: breaking the power triangle

The power triangle shows three destructive positions people can fall into when they try to maintain their innocence by avoiding responsibility. Omnipotence is all about control, impotence is all about passivity, and power struggles are all about competition. Each of these positions focuses on shifting blame to others and avoiding responsibility for one's own actions.

The key to getting out of this dynamic is finding a balance between thinking, feeling, and doing. People in omnipotence must learn to share responsibility and embrace vulnerability. People in powerlessness need to take action and learn that they do have influence over their situation. People in power struggle need to shift focus from winning to cooperation and learn empathy.

By finding this balance and taking responsibility for your own choices, you can free yourself from the destructive cycle of the power triangle and build healthier, more equal relationships.