Navigating the Dichotomy of Instinct and Shame

Do you ever experience internal conflict, desiring one outcome while simultaneously seeking its antithesis?

Humanity is an ape aware of its own mortality. Alternatively, as some assert, humanity is an ape capable of blushing (shame).

As humans, we are perpetually oscillating between biological determinism and cultural conditioning. In essence: 'This is what I feel, and this is what I am socially conditioned to feel.'

Shame: A Primary Human Emotion

Life is akin to a pendulum, perpetually oscillating between instinct and shame.

Within my coaching practice, I facilitate clients in identifying their unconscious limiting programs—beliefs stemming from adverse experiences. Once individuals achieve awareness of these restrictive beliefs, they can release them and proceed with a life unhindered.

Our beliefs function as our internal software programs, while our instincts can be likened to the foundational operating system (e.g., Windows or Mac).

 

Marnia Robinson has authored a profound and insightful book concerning the two primary unconscious programs that govern human behavior:

1) Reproductive Imperative

2) Attachment Imperative

These two fundamental instinctive programs do not always operate in parallel; indeed, they frequently conflict. Consequently, we often experience internal conflict, for instance, within our professional and personal relationships.

Attachment or Reproduction?

The reproductive imperative ensures the perpetuation of humanity as a species. This embodies our primal, animalistic nature, driven by pure evolutionary imperative rather than affection or nurturing. While beneficial for the collective, it may not always align with the individual's best interests.

The attachment program ensures that we forge enduring relationships that imbue our lives with meaning and from which we derive our happiness. The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships, and the quality of your relationships is, in turn, determined by the quality of your communication with yourself and others.

Religion, spirituality, and coaching endeavor to offer insights that help maintain equilibrium between our two fundamental programs. Practically, this translates into balancing the following three paradoxes:

1) Mastering Aggression without losing Courage

2) Mastering Sexuality without losing Love

3) Mastering Avarice without losing Creativity

Life is simple, yet not easy. Awareness of these two programs can spare you considerable adversity.